Michael Vick arrested for dogfighting. Awesome!

And by awesome I mean positively revolting. Proving that cocaine-fueled rape cruises around the Great Lakes are for pussies, Michael "Crazy as a Roman Emperor" Vick was indicted by a federal grand jury for sponsoring brutal, competitive dogfights. While there's no word on what unimaginable glory the winning hounds received, all that's known (outside of what big man Vick must be) is that the losing dogs either died in the pit or were shot, electrocuted, hanged, or drowned prompting this humble reporter to wonder what the fuck is wrong with Michael Vick.

I'd be tempted to applaud Vick for finding a new low for professional athletes to sink to, far surpassing the simple assault, DUI, and rape allegations that any contract player can be expected to face in the course of a preseason, but this is just plain sick. I, for one, would like to start a petition surpassing the normal "due process" in this case and organize a posse to electrocute, hang, shoot and drown Mr. Vick Rasputin-style. I say we go positively Boyar on his ass...

EDIT!:

Labrador nailed by speeding cyclist in Tour de France... this is not a good day for dogs!

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ye-0wch. Head of China's FDA executed in short order

Talk about being the wrong scapegoat at the wrong time. Seen above the is former(ly alive) head of China's State Food and Drug Administration, Zheng Xiaoyu, who was convicted in May on charges of corruption and dereliction of duty. Mr. Zheng was found guilty of accepting 6.5 million RMB (~$825,000) in bribes in return for approving six untested, fake drugs for sale in China which were pushed through his agency using falsified research statements and lead to the deaths of at least 10 consumers. For his crimes, Mr. Zheng was executed on Tuesday by a firing squad.

Sweet Jesus, as if the Red Army's response to the protests in Tiananmen Square and the PRC's iron-fisted response to suspected Falun Gong members aren't bad enough... this should make it abundantly clear that you don't fuck with China. During my time in the PRC , I made certain not to give anyone wearing a uniform a reason to take notice of me which may seem ridiculous if you ever saw the picture of me cowering in fear before the guys behind that counter at the Beijing KFC, but what the hell do I know from Chinese military uniforms? Those dudes were pretty intense!

Many have decried China's response to Mr. Zheng's crimes as horrifically unjust and beyond the pale of cruel, but they should try and understand where the state is coming from. In addition to Mr. Zheng's crimes, such as they are, the upcoming arrival of the Olympics in '08 and the recent tainted toothpaste scandal have placed China under severe international scrutiny... particularly in the food and drug department. When you add to this the Chinese preoccupation with face on both a personal and national level, it's somewhat easier to see why Mr. Zheng was executed.

I'm not saying that I agree with the decision, knowing only the facts as they are reported, but the closet fascist in me can't help but wonder if the execution of corrupt state officials would benefit more governments on the global level. Looking to Rome as an example, as all good fascists do, I can't help but think that the more august figures from the Eternal City's bygone days would approve of China's decision on this one. Whether you agree that he should have been put to death or not, this level of accountability seems appropriate given the scope of his crimes. Of course, if we were to apply this same logic to the United States we'd likely lose half of the House of Representatives and most of the Senate to firing squads.

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Oh, the Jedi are gonna feel this one...

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Canadian Pizza, with a side order of Porn

Pizza and porn, delivered from the same location at a reasonable price? I'm sorry, world, but my Friday nights for the rest of 2007 (and '08, and '09...) are now spoken for.
Here in America we're taught from a young age that the 1812 Overture was written about Andrew Jackson, slavery was the sole cause of the Civil War, and that with enough ingenuity, gumption, and can-do anyone can become rich by starting their own business. Unfortunately America just got hardcore pwn3d by our neighbors to the north.

With the exception of apple pie and buffalo wings, no food is more quintessentially American than pizza. Apocryphal legend holds that the first pizza was invented by Leonardo DaVinci as part of his clever ploy to secret the Holy Grail away from the Catholic Church, but any swishy Florentine artist worth his sun-dried tomatoes will tell you that pizza was perfected here in America. Or, at least it was... until this freakin' Canadian genius decided to deliver it with free pornography. Let me put that last statement in large, exaggerated characters so that it sinks in properly and lands you in trouble at work:

Porn. Pizza.
sfw, btw

I can't even begin to put into words how jealous I am of the man who thought up of this idea. While I personally find the prospect of dining on food that comes with its own stash of porn to be a bit distasteful and unsanitary, I'm sure there are millions of Keystone Lite swilling fratboys who would eat this gimmick up hook, line, and sexswing. Hell, even that capricious womanizer of a man-whore Daniel "Harry Potter" Radcliffe couldn't pass up a deal like this. Now, if only they could deliver to New Jersey.

Oh, and it should go without saying, but I'd recommend against ordering the Meat Lover's Deluxxx...

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