Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Operation: Incredible Hulk Edition

Last night, wandering around Target in a fiendish quest to snatch up the last offerings of this season's Halloween Jones Sodas I inadvertently found myself in the board games isle. Nostalgic, and more than a little lost, I decided to glance over such old-time favorites as Torpedo Run, Forbidden Bridge and Mousetrap and remember happier times when games didn't revolve around DKP or online subscriptions. Such fond reveries were not meant to endure, of course, and I was rudely snapped back into reality by...

The Incredible Hulk, center, being comforted by his life partner Iron Man in the hospital

That's right, Operation: Hulk Edition. Ringing in at $10 more expensive than the Original, electrifying (as in: literally) version the concept behind this desperate grab for cash collapses under the weight of its clumsy branding. Gone are the maladies of the original Operation (Water on the Knee, Writer's Cramp, Butterflies in the Tummy, etc) as they were clearly deemed nowhere near threatening enough to harry the likes of the Incredible fucking Hulk. In this new version, children (and fanboys) must remove such maladies as a Misplaced Heart in Hulk's upper-left shoulder, Lightning Bolt(!)itis of the hand, an embarrassing (an apparently poisonous!) gas emanation from Hulk's purple nether regions, and a cuddly Teddy Bear infestation of his foot.

Let me repeat that last one for emphasis: The Incredible Hulk... this Incredible Hulk...

...has an adorable Teddy Bear cuddling his foot. Listen, I'm not the biggest Comic Book fan in the world but I'm pretty sure the only way this would ever happen is if Hulk accidentally smashed a Nursery School between kidney punching Iron Man into submission and launching field artillery into low orbit. Fuck you, Hasbro..