Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Handmade Indiana Jones Father's Day Gift Guide

Father's Day is a little over two weeks away, loyal readers, and that means it's high time for another geek-themed holiday gift guide!

The association of Father's Day with the Indiana Jones trilogy is a natural one. Both celebrate the quintessence of manliness, and most children grow up secretly picturing their father beating the snot out of Nazis like it was his job (I can't be the only one).

Further, what other trilogy celebrates the nuanced relationship between father and child better than Indiana Jones? Star Wars, I suppose, but a series glorifying near-fratricide is a bit of a hard sell to Hallmark... but that's besides the point. You've got a few days left to find a super-special gift for your father, so take a leap of faith and see what your friend at Kawaiian Punch has dug up!

The Indiana Jones Man Purse

Price: $120
I would personally would have chosen "stachel", "adventure bag", or "sankara stone holder" but hey, Man Purse works too. While this item delivers exactly what the description promises, I think you'd be better served buying your father an honest-to-metro murse or a courier bag that looks closer to what Indy had strapped across his glistening, manly pecs.

Creepy-As-Hell Framed Grail Knight Print
Price: $35.00
Some fathers are fans of the more minor characters from a movie franchise (if your dad prefers Boba Fett to Darth Vader, he falls into this category). For the discriminating Indiana Jones fan of a father, there's a highly stylized-and highly creepy!- framed print of the feeble Grail Knight
from Last Crusade, a minor character who would deliver some of the more memorable lines from the film and go on to star in a Last Crusade-inspired Diet Coke commercial.

Random aside: am I the only person who wondered where this dude slept and peed? That chamber across the bridge with all the false grails wasn't exactly what I'd call spacious...

Crystal Skull Miniskirt
Price: ~$40.00
Some of us have fathers whose tastes are a little... less traditional. For these intrepid crossdressing souls, there's the Indiana Jones Mini Skirt. While some may balk at the idea of buying their father a skirt for Father's Day this is, as it turns out, far less offensive than buying your father a piece of merchandise that acknowledges the existence of a fourth Indiana Jones movie.

Indiana Jones Custom Print
Price: $15
I don't have the data to back this up, but I'm sure there's a demographic of fathers out there who own Boston Terriers and who appreciate the Indiana Jones trilogy. For those very fathers- and for the proud alumni of Boston University who love them some Indiana Jones- there's the Boston Terrier Raiders of the Lost Bark print. Sure, it kinda looks like the dog in question is actually wearing a ghostbuster's jump suit under a leather jacket... but I still rather like this print.

Indiana Jones Novelty Dog Hat
Price: $5
Assuming that the canine/Indiana Jones fan demographic is bigger than I thought, there's not a father out there who wouldn't love to dress up man's best friend as his favorite action hero. Indy himself was a professed dog lover (where do you think his nickname came from?), and besides... it really isn't the weirdest piece of dog-related Indiana Jones swag that I found on Etsy. For $5.00, it's worth the gag gift.

Authentic Leather Bullwhip
Price: $280
There is no better gift for the serious Indiana Jones fan of a father short of a leather jacket and fedora (which, Harrison Ford willing, he already has.) Further, nothing screams out "I love you, Dad!" and "I'll drive you the hospital after you take out your eye!" quite like this gift does.

(Also, as a bonus for the morbidly curious, the banner image is a 5x5 Indiana Jones custom print, available for $15.00. Because... haven't we all envisioned Indy riding a bicycle that had snakes for tires at some point in our lives?)