Wednesday, June 6, 2012

For $30,000, you can sit on the Iron Throne (in your living room)

Even before Game of Thrones landed on HBO, the beloved and sadistic series sparked its share of high-end collectables. Now that Game of Thrones is the most popular thing on premium television, a $700 replica of Eddard Stark's greatsword Ice seems like a bargain compared to The HBO Store's latest - and most egregious - piece of merchandise: a life size replica of the Iron Throne itself...

Weighing an impressive 350 lbs, this 7'2" fiberglass and resin... throne... is hand painted and hand finished to create an authentic look of 1,000 blades that had been hammered for 59 days. It is available at the official HBO online store and costs a mere $30,000 (with a $1,800 shipping surcharge added at checkout, naturally.)

The picture above shows the detail of the piece nicely but doesn't really show scale all that well. Below is the throne loaded onto a moving pallet... perhaps on its way to your basement gaming room:

In the course of the A Song of Ice and Fire story, the reader learns that the Iron Throne was created by King Aegon I Targaryen (Aegon the Conquerer) who was the first king to unite The Seven Kingdoms. He forged the throne out of the swords surrendered by his enemies in the heat of his dragon's fiery breath.

In terms of a history, the Iron Throne is a indisputable symbol of ultimate badassery - it is the trophy hunter's trophy and the sort of thing even Charlie Sheen would not even think to create at his most winningest. In this light, it's easy to see the appeal of the Throne as an abstract symbol.

In terms of real world aesthetics, however, the Iron Throne leaves something to be desired. It's a bit dark, it's a bit hard to plan a room around, and it lacks the pointy bits at the arms of the throne itself (which several kings had purportedly cut themselves on).

...also, it costs about as much as a mid-range sportscar or a semester at a pricey state school. Yet there's something undeniably alluring about it's commanding 5'5" x 5'11" footprint. Does your child really need another year of college? Isn't it time that your ass finds a perch regal enough for its noble bearing? I think we both know the answer to that.

Order now, operators are standing by.