Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Medieval Times is getting turned into a movie. What is this, I don't even...

For those who've never been to a renaissance festival or dabbled in medieval fantasy LARPing, Medieval Times is the closest they'll come to experiencing thrill of jousting and the joy of being allowed to eat chicken with their bare hands whilst out in public.

Now, Medieval Times - excuse me, Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament - is getting turned into a movie, because apparently no one in Hollywood could get Waffle House to sign to a single-picture deal.

Picture this... only movie-er

I wish that I was kidding about this, but /film reports that Medieval Times: The Movie is actually going to happen.

There's no word yet on what the movie will be about, but if the restaurant's approach to entertainment is any indication it will assumedly repacked the same stale show that people can't get enough of seeing on field trips and "fun" corporate outings.

...in other words, it will probably be terrible (what restaurant deserves to be turned into a movie?!) but ironically, there's a lot of good directions that a project like Medieval Times: The Movie could go if it dispensed with the laughably one-dimensional plot of the dinner show itself.

For example, it could take a comedic documentary approach and follow the actors around before and after shows as they talk shop and avoid the girls who are a little too into Aragorn from Lord of the Rings.  There's got to be some serious comedic gold to be had backstage at these events, and watching it laid bare would be a damn slight more entertaining than the clunky fight choreographic and three minutes of jousting you see at any given Medieval Times performance.

Unfortunately, the backstage approach sounds like a good idea for a movie... so it'll likely never make it off the ground. Instead, we'll be presented with the epic tale of six knights from days of olde jousting to crown the queen of love and beauty and celebrate some king's fancy new falcon.

In short, it'll be just like going to Medieval Times - just without the hand-chicken and microwaved tomato soup.

If - for whatever reason - you're really eager for this sort of experience, just grab a goddamn bucket of KFC and rent Braveheart from Amazon Instant Video. I guarantee you that it'll be more fun than paying $10 bucks to watch an hour and a half of this...