Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Geek lingerie shopping guide for the fearless Christmas gift giver

Christmas is fast approaching, loyal reader, and it's time to trim the virtual tree that is this site.

In preparation for the coming holidays,  I've whacked together a series of geeky Christmas lists to stand in for the weekly Object of Geek Desire posts. Today's list is a reprisal of one of the more popular gift idea round-ups ever run here at Kawaiian Punch: a holiday shopping guide to geek lingerie.

As innumerable special episodes have taught us, Christmas is a time for both caring and sharing - and arguably, no gift shows you care (and are willing to share...) more than a new piece of lingerie does.

So get ready to have your mind blown in this departure from the traditional, orgiastic, consumerist catharsis that is Christmas, and prepare yourself for some of the best geeky lingerie that the internet has to offer.

Khal Drogo Panty Set


Price: $30.00
It's hard to go wrong with a set of thongs inspired by everyone's favorite Dothraki rapist Khal Drogo.  

He started off his appearance in George R.R. Martin's saga as a taciturn, misunderstood ravager, but quickly softened into a loving partner who understood and responded to his 14-year-old wife's concerns about always taking it doggystyle night after night. 

Like any good lover, Drogo allowed his partner to get her cowgirl on, and the rest - like Drogo's disapproving face glaring out from your bikini zone - is the stuff of legend.

Pokeball faux-jeweled bra

Price: $40.00 - $60.00
Whether you're sporting a perky 'lil set of Pokeballs or have a full-blown, head-turning pair of Ultraballs, Etsy seller RitZeWare will class up your gals with a this faux-jeweled Pokemon-inspired bra.  

Made from the same plastic gems that a great many grandmothers use to zazz up their crocheting, this bra will probably look better from across the room than it will up close... but I guarantee that it'll be super effective if you go out of your way to wear it for your favorite Poke-fan.

Note - You are well within your rights to slap said lover if they make a single pun involving MooMoo Milk.

Legend of Zelda tankini

Price: $65
If you're looking to create a link to your geeky lover's sensual side, look no further than this two-piece Legend of Zelda-inspired tankini set.  

Technically, it's more swimwear than proper lingerie, but I somehow doubt anyone lucky enough to be on the receiving end of this seductive set will find the time to point out the difference.  

Bonus reason to wear it: you won't feel any sort of pressure to do an awkward "sexy" strip tease dance.  Instead, just sit back and serenade your lover with your ocarina skills.

Black Leather Bowtie, for the Whovian fetishist 

Price: $28.00
Strictly speaking, lingerie is something that covers your naughty bits - but there are plenty of fun bedroom accessories that'll let you have all sorts of new fun with your fandom.  

Case in point, this black leather bowtie for Whovian fetishists.  Pair this with your favorite fez (or don't, actually...) and your lover will know that both of your hearts beat solely for them.

D20 Panties

Price: $12.00
Almost any geek girl worth her con pass has a pair of geek panties or two in her wardrobe, but these D20 Gamer Panties are the perfect way to show off your old school, dice chucking geekiness to anyone who's lucky enough to be around when you drop trou.

Although they should probably have a good idea what your interests are if they're already in your bedroom when you start that particular initiative roll...

Star Wars boxer briefs
Price: $20.00
It's not that men have been specifically overlooked in this list of geek lingerie, it's just that - historically and commercially speaking - there's less of a market for fashionable men's unmentionables.

This pair of Star Wars boxer briefs might explain why.

More gag gift than sexy couple wear, it takes a brave boy to plaster one of Princess Leia's most desperate lines on top of his fully armed and operational battle station.  Still, I suppose it's better than "I'm a little short for a storm trooper".

Harry Potter "Felix Felicis" unisex briefs

Price: $15.00
I'm not sure how unisex underwear is  supposed to work, but this set of sexy and sly Harry Potter-inspired underwear is printed on a set of American Apparel unisex briefs - meaning, they can be rocked by any geek guy or geek girl looking to ring up a few extracurricular points for Gryffindor.

The ideal set of briefs to bludger your Seeker's quaffle, just be sure that you remove them with the proper swish-and-flick technique.